There seem to be 6 major style tribes gracing the slopes these days:
Pretty Pretties
Female. An as-fitted-as-possible jumpsuit – or, if separates, the jacket will usually be belted at the waist. A fur edged hood and some sort of nondescript snowflake/snowscene design. Colours: brown, cream, pink (urgh), white, or orange. Headgear: wide headband and big wraparound (expensive / flashy) sunglasses. Or a neat helmet in matching colours and discreet ski googles.
C&A Brigade
Predominantly male but not exclusively. Usually tricolor, often all-in-ones. Usually some horrible combination of green / turquoise / pink / white / purple / yellow. Generally ill-fitting (either borrowed from someone or they’ve had it for 15+ years). Sometimes worn ironically (presumably) with a bright aerobics type headband and / or often some sort of old fashioned moustache. Drink: beer. As cheap as possible. Always.
Snowboarders
Baggy. Cool. Different. Faux ‘other materials’ (textile which looks like graffiti, bark, brick, denim), neon, garish patterns. Highly reflective and oversized ski visors / goggles, usually with a multicoloured or flashy gold tint. Some sort of ‘crazy’ hat. Or retro bobble. Eat: self made sandwiches, off piste. Also now more ‘tidy’ snowboarders out there. Usually small, neat, a little-bit-wacky couples. They probably work in media.
Functional
Brands: Helly Hanson, North Face, that sort of thing. Colours: black, navy, red, green, royal blue. Nothing garish, nothing daring. Relatively affluent, mostly over 30 and not desperately interested in fashion. People who probably spend a lot of time hiking when they’re not skiing.
Novelty
Onesies (girls and boys) or farmyard animal / cartoon character outfits. Sometimes complete with animal heads / tails / capes. Very likely to be from public school, in the army and / or part of a rugby (or other) club. Drink: beer (boys) or champagne (boys and girls).
Proper Skiiers
Skin tight ski gear in club colours, or all-the-same-colour separates – smart, sleek and good quality but not at all shiny or flashy. Sometimes with ski resort / ski school logo.
In making all these sweeping and disparaging remarks (by the end of the year I’ll probably have managed to alienate or offend most of the people on the planet) I was thinking about my own transgression through the style tribes of the slopes… First, it was pure C&A, at the tender age of 14. Turquoise, white and pink. Zero points for originality, but I loved it and was very proud. Second, early university days, and a new jacket – pale blue, with a large, very cool (I thought) iguana on the back. “Isn’t it a bit big darling?” said my mum. And of course she was right. By about 6 sizes… I was learning to value extremes in dressing. Third, in the long interim and up til this season, a non descript grey/black/white ‘functional’ number. Nice, but a bit, well.. yawn. Fourthly, my current this-season-bought love: a bright blue, snug, down-filled one with lots of pointless but appealing logos and a fur hood. See picture.
I asked my husband after writing this which category I now fall into and he said; “Pretty pretty, of course!”.
I’m distraught.
All this aside… the best thing about skiing / snowboarding? It’s a great leveller and it doesn’t matter what the hell you wear, as long as you have fun and don’t cut people up or drop your gloves off the chair lift.
